Archive | August, 2013

Emotional Step by Eva Cassidy

8 Aug

I just love this singer….beautiful soul and her music is amazing!
 

A Few Words on Worth…Akirah Robinson

8 Aug

July 19, 2013
A Few Words on Worth

Worth

“Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are the apple of someone else’s eye. To believe otherwise is to believe a dangerous lie. You came into this world with immense worth — worth that cannot be taken from you or added to you. It doesn’t matter what your relationship status is or what the scale says or whether you chose to wear lip gloss today or if you can afford a beautiful, new house. Your worth is in you…your worth IS you. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. You are mighty valuable, my friend. Shine bright.”
-Akirah Robinson

The world needs your brightness. Know your worth and shine on.

 

Worth

How to Talk to a Friend About her Not-Awesome Relationship

8 Aug

I received an email today from Akirah Robinson on my Just Say No To Toxic Relationships FB page sharing her article!  I LOVED it and felt it was worth sharing!!!!  I love what Akirah is doing and I am hopeful that together we can create something awesome!!  I believe education about toxic relationships is KEY!!!!  I hope you enjoy the article as much as I did!!

 

HUGS – Cheri

 

How to Talk to a Friend About Her Not-Awesome Relationship

 

So now that I’ve made you all feel guilty about not talking about abuse as much as I do (as if that’s even possible), you’re probably wondering, “how in the world do I talk to my friend about her not-awesome relationship without making her hate me?”

Never fear, m’lady. I’ve got you covered. How to Talk to a Friend About Her Not-Awesome Relationship

It’s not always easy to tell a friend that her relationship concerns you. Don’t let that stop you. Instead, consider these five suggestions:

1. DO SOME LEARNIN’
If something seems fishy about your friend’s relationship, find out why. Please don’t confront your friend about her relationship without knowing some facts first. I’m not saying you need to be an expert, but familiarizing yourself with the warning signs of abuse will bode well for you in this situation.** When it comes to abuse, ignorance is not bliss, so check out these resources and do some learnin’.

2. SHUT YOUR MOUTH, OPEN YOUR EARS
If your friend is willing to talk about her relationship AT ALL, treat her words like diamonds. Don’t interrupt her. Don’t tell her what to do. Don’t talk too much. I know this seems odd since the title of this post is “How to TALK to a Friend About Her Not-Awesome Relationship.” I apologize if I mislead you, but the most important skill in communication is listening. (Tuck that nugget away for later. You’ll need it, especially if you decide to get married someday.) The bottom line is, a woman in a not-awesome relationship may not always feel heard. So listen to her.

3. SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT
If there was ever a time your friend needs support, it’s now. Unhealthy relationships eat self-esteem for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If she’s forgotten, remind your friend of how awesome she is. Make it known that you are on her team. Please note: being on her team does not mean you need to become her partner’s enemy. Criticizing your friend’s partner might very well upset her. Focusing on actions, rather than making attacks will probably be more effective. For example:

Good: “I am concerned when Big Bird tells you who you can and can’t be friends with. You’re such an amazing friend and I’d hate for you to lose touch with people you love and care about. What do you think?”
Bad: “Big Bird is controlling and awful and I really have no idea what you see in him. You need to break up with him.”

It’s not always easy to watch your words. If Big Bird is hurting your friend, you probably want to hurt him back. But insulting your friend’s attraction to him will likely make her feel judged and angry. Besides, Big Bird is already telling her what to do all the time. Why follow his example?

4. ACCEPT THAT SHE IS THE EXPERT ON HER OWN LIFE, NOT YOU
I fully admit that this one is hard. But it goes hand in hand with all the others and it’s probably the most important. No matter how much you know about your friend’s relationship, she knows more. You may disagree with everything she is doing, but you’re not in her shoes, she is. Did you know that the most dangerous period in an abusive relationship is right after a survivor leaves? That is when she is most likely to be seriously hurt, or even killed. No one fully knows what an abuser is capable of, including you. (If safety is a factor, put her in touch with people who can help her make a safety plan.) You’ve got to trust her gut. It can be exhausting to watch your friend in an unhealthy cycle, but in the end, she must be the one to decide to leave. Not you.

5. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Remember, no woman is an island. That doesn’t mean you should post your friend’s relationship problems to Facebook, but don’t feel like you have to navigate this stuff on your own. If you find yourself needing support while you support a friend experiencing abuse, get some help. Call up a hotline and vent until your face turns blue. Compassion fatigue is real, my friends. There’s a reason why flight attendants tell us to first put on our oxygen masks before helping others. Get your oxygen, girl. Your friend needs you to breathe.
————

Helen Keller once said “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” The darkness may make it hard to see, but keep walking. Because when you walk with your friend, it makes a difference. And when it comes to friendship, you are far from not-awesome.

 

**Teens, please be sure to tell an adult if you know abuse is happening. You should never, ever, ever have to deal with these issues on your own. Safety first, okay?

 

http://akirahrobinson.com/2013/07/04/how-to-talk-to-a-friend-about-her-not-awesome-relationship/

%d bloggers like this: