Archive | March, 2013

You…

24 Mar

This morning I received this beautiful poem from Dani Zuli one my FB Fans at Just Say NO To Toxic Relationships.    It moved me to tears, because I too, experienced some of what she writes about.  With her permission I am sharing it with all of you.  I hope you enjoy it and feel free to leave your comment.

YOU

Written by: Dani Zuli (A JSNTTR Fan)

You. You are so lucky. You are so lucky to have someone who loves you and treats you so well. All the friends and family say so. But when the car door shuts, it’s a different story. The verbal vomit begins. Don’t worry, the physical violence comes later. You begin to think about jumping out of a moving vehicle just to escape him. How many times have you looked out the car window wondering if you could survive if you jumped out NOW?

So, it must be YOUR fault. Everyone sees how great a guy he is. And no one would believe you.

I would believe you. I lived it.

Is there something you enjoy? Something you are good at? Gardening, cooking..anything? Isn’t that nice that he takes an interest in it? He learns all about it and starts doing it himself. But only to be better than you at it. Your hobby is now HIS and he has to be the best at everything.

Until you have no more hobbies. No more dreams. You have learned not to get enthusiastic about anything anymore. There must be something wrong with You.

You are living in his shadow. You are not alive anymore.

And the physical violence begins. Well, it already started when he uses his body to block you from entering or exiting the kitchen, just clumsiness, right. Then a hard twist to your wrist when you tried to move his beer from the couch. Only a mistake and he didn’t mean to hurt you.

But now, he bites you—in public -on the face…or on the head where your hair will cover and not leave an incriminating mark. And, of course, it’s your fault. He leans in, as if to give you a kiss, and instead, OUCH! You cry out in pain. But no one saw it.

They only saw him lovingly lean in to kiss you, (isn’t he so cute, he’s the greatest boyfriend ever), and then they look up when they hear your yelp, and see you slap him; push him away, or whatever you do to get away from him. He looks hurt. You’re the bitch.

It’s all done in private. Or, made to appear that You did something wrong.

So, it must be YOUR fault. Everyone sees how great a guy he is. And no one would believe you.

I would believe you. I lived it.

Advertisements

Learning to Trust Again…

23 Mar

How does one learn to TRUST a new relationship after being in a toxic relationship?  TRUST is the first chapter in the book “12 Steps To Self Empowerment” by Bobbi Chegwyn. I have to say it brought me to tears as I re-read this chapter yesterday.  Right now, I seem to be having issues trusting myself to make right decisions.  In reading this chapter, I realized that I was “fearful” of a new relationship.  I understand LOVE and I want to love and be loved, love is shown through my actions, words and deeds. It’s having compassion for someone and not being afraid to help them in their time of need, having the courage to stay and see things through no matter how uncomfortable the situation is.  Love is TRUST – trusting the person I am with that they really do have my best interest at heart and I have theirs.  They show me compassion, kindness, selflessness, courage, friendship and respect.  What more could I want?

I understand I need to trust the process and journey I am on; I am going to make mistakes, and I hope I am also forgiven. I know trust takes time, according to Bobbi “Trust is taking flight from the cliff of possibility while knowing that you will soar to reach those heights. As soon as you jump, something magical happens!” I am READY to jump, I have no idea what this looks like or where it will take me, all I need to do is TRUST the process!  There is no room for FEAR – fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

So my first “empowerment exercise” – My affirmation for Trust:

I trust myself enough to know who I want to love, and who I need to keep in my life.  I trust myself enough to know I deserve to be happy in all I do and I deserve to love and be loved.

 

 

 

 

Date With Confidence

11 Mar

New post on Get Dating Insight

How To Date: With Confidence
by admin

Confidence exudes your most beautiful self. Own it and be open to those that are interested in you! Then decide if you want to have a date. Smile! You will attract what you are desiring when you stop searching, it will find you. To search is to be in a constant state of searching. In life it is important to step back, observe, be open to receiving and allow in to happen without forcing. Forcing a situation causes an unnatural connection and a temporary or momentary encounter. To acquire something substantial it must develop at it’s own natural time and be revealed when all the aspects have lined up for the most powerful and positive outcome of a new connection with someone.

You may have one date with someone and not hear back from then, but you thought it went really well. Just let it be and see. There could be a past relationship the other person is finishing or some other personal obstacle that they need to take care of before continuing to date you. That is a good thing. All you can do is be available for the type of relationship you desire. Do not fixate on any one person at the beginning. Leave your options open and see who matches their actions to their words.

This is how you date with confidence and avoid the desperately searching cycle.

Even when you date online it is important to communicate with confidence. If they respond, great, if not move on. Do not fixate, be open to all the options and possibilities that are available to you.

When you do encounter a mutually compatible connection, keep your confidence intact and allow the new connection to unfold. You have to see all sides of a person and this takes spending time together and getting to know one another. Chemistry is important, but if you do not have anything else in common you will not have a strong base or foundation to build the relationship off of. Ask yourself, “Could I be best friends with this person?”

admin | March 11, 2013 at 6:11 pm | Tags: be beautiful when dating, confidence, confidence dating tips, dating, friends first | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/p28Dz4-hO

%d bloggers like this: