Low self esteem is an affliction that impacts a large number of
people at some point in their lives. It causes beautiful,
successful, intelligent people to doubt their self worth and
purpose for being. It prevents individuals from reaching the true
heights of their potential, and worst of all, keeps many in a state
of depression and sadness that is unshakeable.
Our relationships can either support or lower our self esteem.
Sadly, for many with low self esteem, their relationships can cause
a negative snowballing effect. Those who don’t value themselves
tend to attract and be attracted to those who will not treat them
with respect and love. Some of these relationships are outright
The underlying problem with such negative relationships is that
there is programming occurring. A person who is psychologically
abusive has an agenda, and part of that agenda is controlling the
other partner. Already suffering from low self esteem, the
non-abusive partner is a prime candidate for the emotional and
mental manipulation handed out by the abusive partner.
An abuser seeks to create a reality and a perception by the other
partner which removes resistance to their agenda of control. Thus,
an abuser will do what he or she can to undermine the others sense
of their own judgment, skill, and even moral decency. Without good
self esteem, the abused partner assimilates this programming,
further diminishing his or her feelings of self worth.
The cure for the negative effects of such a psychologically abusive
relationship is removal from the source. While self esteem is
created and rebuilt, all negative influences must be removed. To
conjure an image to illustrate the point, before a dam can hold
back the water again, the holes must be repaired and filled.
The strength to follow through with a period of reduced, or no
contact can be increased through reprogramming the false set of
beliefs the abuser has pushed upon you. One of the most important
methods of reprogramming yourself is to spend time with and around
the people in your life who are trustworthy, kind, and concerned
for your well being above all else. It is likely that the stronger
and more positive your sense of self becomes, the less you will
desire contact with your psychological abuser.
I hope this was helpful to you.
Shannon Cook – Stop Toxic Relationships