Starting Over…

10 Jun

What does it mean to start over? WOW ~ that is such a loaded question.  There are so many feelings involved with starting over, especially after being in a toxic relationship. Starting over means learning to be alone with myself, lots of crying, getting over fear and anger.  Starting over  is learning to forgive, to trust again and in the end love again.

Over the last year and half, I have become comfortable being alone, I look at it as my “me time,” something I did not have for 6 years.  I have learned that it is far better to embrace my tears, than to “stuff it,” when I cry I am truly able to just “let it go,” it is part of the healing process.

Fear ~ that is a tough one, but what am I afraid of??? There was fear in my toxic relationship, fear that I would say the wrong thing which would turn into a fight. Fear of not being allowed to just be “ME” ~ where is that woman?  I know she is there and ready to come out.  I have  dugged myself out of my fearful place and I now  have complete and total freedom!  Living in fear is not trusting God’s plan for my life, and I am READY to trust!

Lastly, and I believe the hardest to conquer is anger.  I am angry that I allowed myself to get into a toxic relationship, angry that it went on so long, angry that I left and went back 5 times!!  What was I thinking??  I finally put a plan in place to leave for the 6th and final time.  Am I still angry? NO! ~ I have learned to forgive myself.

I can now say that I have let go of the anger and have complete forgiveness in my heart – I  know that I have started over and it feels AMAZING!!!

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